May 19, 2021 — There’s a magical rule of existence

If I sacrifice my pleasure of porn, sex, lust then my clarity, my experience, my ability to navigate life better is getting better. It means I made an unconscious sacrifice and I got conscious. Because being conscious is the best way to navigate life. So what else can I sacrifice unconsciously?

Go to Dharmshala, get a lean-back chair. Do 2hrs vipassana daily. Write journal daily. No ice creams. No junk food. That’s a sacrifice. Working out is a sacrifice. You’re sacrificing your laziness. Working on publishing business is a sacrifice. Doing daily sadhana is a sacrifice. Learning competence and knowledge is a sacrifice. As you keep making sacrifices, you will be winning at life at the highest possible level (for you).

Where can sacrifice happen easily, effectively, effort-lessly? In isha ashram. I figured. Until motherfuckin geep and amba fucked it up for me. Hey no don’t go there. Now, what is it? Now penetrate this moment with full intensity.

Now, I have till end of May to recover sleep cycle. And then I will go to Himachal, Dharmshala. Otherwise it will create too much karma for me.

Ordered phone, lean back chair etc. I have to be in Mysore by August. Still there is a tinge of distaste of prasanna and amba and dad mostly and now durgamba and sindu and everyone who has transgressed my boundaries. When you are beyond those relationships, they try to bring you down by trying to equate with you as a little brother or whatever their relationship to you is in their head. Break it. Don’t let them limit you like that. Don’t let them restrain your options of behaviour like that. Use curse words freely.

I think once I get a new number, new phone tho I’m getting now anyway. And once I move to Himachal and create new memories there and then to Mysore or some place then it’ll be good. But I need to build my kingdom first. I have no friends. I have not enough money. I don’t have the kind of body I want. I don’t have a queen to take care of my kingdom. I don’t have daily disciplines, hobbies etc.

Watched Thor analysis videos on Youtube. Very relatable. The guy has guilt and shame even though he’s a king. Just like simba. Just like me. A god hero drops down to playing games, drinking beer and fapping. But he’s Thor isn’t he? He couldn’t bear the burden, the constraints everyone put on him to end Thanos. They made him go and throw axe but when it failed, they weren’t there to help him. So eventually, he lets go of all those expectations, becomes a regular man (relieves himself of the king title and hands it over to someone else) and travels. Becomes an explorer. The exploratory hero.

Today I created Ingram sparks account, watched a good video by The Urban Fight on Mutual Funds. Blocked a girl on Insta. Didn’t fap. Tried to go to khajaguda but uber guy said police might stop but front gate security said nothing. But I stopped anyway and walked for a while. Watched some Avengers. Ordered ice cream, salad, few other items. I’m really luxurious when it comes to food I guess. It matter where the food comes, how you consume it. Because that’s you. That’s the future you, hanging out there. So eat satvik food. I’ll order from subway and farmbowl and zenbowls, greens and more. Because I want to become satvik. In few days, I’ll go to dharmshala where I’ll spend 41 days (1 mandala) doing daily disciplines — sadhana, drawing, publishing work.

TODO for May 20, 2021.

• Publish books in IngramSparks
• Check both upwork accounts(saved freelancers) and send messages for redoing veg keto diet cover.
• Bhuta Shuddhi & Shambavi at 5PM. (Morning fast)
• Invest 100 INR in Zerodha’s Coin app from The Urban Fight video